5 reasons why you must never pass out of college and stay there forever and ever

1.     Do you like laughing, shouting, creating some original music on your computer desk, or maybe even talking?

Beware, office is quiet, very quiet. So quiet that you can’t read a funny book or enjoy a pack of crunchy choco chip cookies without garnering some unwanted attention in your direction.

2.     As a student, social relations are already worked out for you-

You have your ‘gang’, some acquaintances and of course lots of enemies (the large categories of Profs, juniors, nerds, guards at the gate etc. fall here by default, reducing a lot confusion).

At work the dynamics are so messed up, you never know what your relation with the next guy is.

You have three to four levels of bosses. You can ‘sir’ a few, but not all.

You have teams and divisions and hierarchies.

And if you are intern, then well you belong neither here nor there.

 You are just one little confused kitten, unsure of whom to get a back rub from and whom to give the *all teeth baring* scowl.

3.     College is a whole world in itself, you walk from the Admin Block to the hostels and you might be on a different planet. You have some people discussing an assignment at one corner of the mess, screwing their faces in concentration and giving the air of people rewriting the Constitution of India. Meanwhile just two tables away; some guys are rubbing their eyes and trying to string words together in an attempt to gain some semblance of real life after playing video games for 18 hours.

 At work?

 It’s just cubicles, more cubicles and some more *equally fascinating and cold enough to freeze you though it’s a 45 degrees outside* cubicles.

4.     Remember “Big Brother” from George Orwell’s 1984?

He reins over all offices, and he is watching you. Constantly. Right now too.

Do you get that feeling of eyes piercing your back? That’s him.

You can’t call your girlfriend, or share memes on Facebook or check out the new Sponge Bob boxers collection on jabong.

5.     You must listen to people, like actually listen.

You must listen, and nod along and give intellectual insights.

How do people go so long without some gossip and the occasional soul cleansing process of bitching is beyond me! :O

So kids, Stay in college. 

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

For my Creative Writing course assignment, we were asked to write a short scene on this cartoon---

After two weeks of looking for a new place to rent, I finally saw a to-let board outside a quaint looking little house.

A hefty woman with an exasperated expression opened the door.

“Ah, the room..” she said after I stated my purpose of visit.

“C’mon in boy, I’ll tell you more about the place.”

I was seated on a tattered sofa held together with what looked like medical adhesive and soon a cup of muddy brown liquid found its way into my hands.

I looked around, trying to grasp the strange details of the room around me and thought it was safer to simply start some conversation “What does Mr.Dumpty do?”

“Sigh…Mr.Dumpty, what can I say. He runs a little shop down the lane. But does he stay there you ask me? Oh no, he doesn’t.

He has to go about the town, doing the things that ‘make him happy’ as he says…and Ah how mad they make me.”

I could see where she was headed, so I said “We could see the room now may be?”

“The room! No boy, there is no room. You see, Mr.Dumpty, he is the rough kinds; he can’t sit cooped up in one place. He sure loves some adventure.

I’ve seen almost all his bones break and heal in the 20 years of our marriage. And last week he came home in one of his usual disarrayed states. He fell off a wall he said. A wall boy! But I wasn’t surprised, the man is an adrenaline junkie, he has to do everything he can to fall off places and put me through hell.”

Now I was beginning to lose my patience, “So what about the room?”

“Oh yes the room. Now I have permanently converted it into Mr.Dumpty’s own hospital room. And he keeps it occupied a fair amount of time and you know what….”

I looked at the board again on my way out, and grabbed it and threw it in the trash, to save some other unsuspecting soul from a ruined afternoon.

A fraandly reminder

Dear boys we know, don’t know and probably will never know,

All we are asking for is some respect.

Remember all those times when you casually observed that we are physically weaker than your lot? Well, you are right.

But also try to remember that we have tremendous strength that helps us cope with the many physical pains owing to the gender we were born with and the unaccounted suffering owing to the society that we were born in.

Remember that friend who suggests “let’s go to some mall and check out chicks/colors/papas” (and whatever other disgusting references you make towards women)?

Next time around, find out where his sister is, and take him to that place and leer at her.

Remember all those times you have either witnessed or heard of some girl at the bus stop/ on the train/ in a shop, who was called offensive things while walking by or whistled at or touched inappropriately? Well…all of us have lived through many such experiences, some so terrifying that we choose not to recollect them but they  keep coming back to us in haunting memories.

Open your eyes and ears dear boys, it might seem like a lot of fun…the casual teasing, the harmless ogling, the ragging etc. But it is anything but harmless.

We have some great men in our lives-our friends, brothers, cousins and neighbors. They go out of their way to protect us and treat us well. But I’ve seen the same men “ogle” at some random “chick” that they come across, forgetting that is she is just another girl like us, someone with feelings, someone who should be treated the same way.

 All we are asking for is some respect.

Love from,

All the girls you know, don’t know and probably will never know.